La Estrella

android test

2012-01-24T12:17:00.001+08:00

Test test.

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test test

2012-01-24T02:01:00.001+08:00

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

2012-01-24T02:00:00.001+08:00

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

2009-12-24T16:01:00.002+08:00

I figured that it's time I move on..
So this will be my last post in Blogger.
I'll be moving to Wordpress.

:)

Click here

flying without wings

2009-12-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

*I've always loved the swings*

I wish I could give you the assurance you need.
But the thing is, I need it too.
And who says things will always be this good for us?

And what if I never get over this fear?

I wish we could take this leap
in a carefree nature.
No strings attached, no boundaries, no worries.
Especially the worries.

You make me wanna do so much better.

2009-12-22T12:34:00.002+08:00

I got this cutie at Daiso.
:)

Was at Civic's McCafe yesterday with Wifey, indulging
in these sinful pleasures

when I saw Qidaa.
You cannot imagine how much I'm missing that girl.
We've not met so long she actually looked very different.
Maybe it's the haircut.
LOL.
I wish we could have a get together or something.
But everyone's so busy.
:(

I'm having the worst flu ever.
The yellow pills just ain't working.
!@^%$!@%^&!
And now I have phlegm too.
And I can't get them out without puking.
I know I'm grossing you people out,
but I don't care.
HA-HA.

Oh, someone tried to hack into my FB account.
Psycho much?

let it go, just let it go.

the person I've become

2009-12-21T12:36:00.002+08:00

Zureen told me to take the dive.
I just stared at her, speechless.

A few minutes later, I felt constricted.
I had the urge to run away.
To keep silent and not contact him.
My heart thumped so fast,
I could feel the sweat oozing from my palms.
Each time I get near this thought, I'll freak out beyond recognition.

This feeling is so alien to me...
:(
And I'm so afraid.

wordless

2009-12-20T23:31:00.004+08:00

Because I'm lazy to type out and go into detail.
I'll just post some pichas ok?

Here's how today went like:
Had breaky at Mcs with Fam
Went to Granny's.
Went to Lisa's sister's wedding at Desa Kartika with Zureen
Went shopping at town.
Continued to shop at Lot 1.
Met Bongsu and Jojot awhile.
Ran back home like lost lunatics.

Ok The End.

I'm still sick.
Pfffffft!

Jojot <3

2009-12-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

I've always been the kinda person who thinks
that feelings come with time.
Especially love.
I never believed the phrase "it takes a second to fall in love"
or was it a minute?
Oh well.
I'm not talking about love right now.
I'm just gonna talk about feelings.
Affection.
Infatuation.
Comfort, security, fondness.
Whatever that comes with it.
Everything but love, cause I'm staying away from it.

Jojot and I have known each other for a week.
But it felt like I've known him forever.
Every conversation we had never lasted less than 30 minutes.
And each time he calls, I worry about his phone bills.
Trust me, in a day, he can call me 3 times, all of which
are timed an hour plus.
The longest conversation we had was 4 hours.

Each conversation will always leave me red-faced,
from laughing too much or a tummy ache at most.
And I always have fun whenever we're together.
Like he said, it's hard to single out a dull moment between us.
Cause we're always cracking jokes and pulling each others' legs.
I've developed a soft spot for this guy.
Which is kinda weird considering that it's only a week.

I don't know where I'm heading here.
But what I know, is that I'm grateful to have him in my life right now.
Even if it's just for a moment.
He taught me how stereotype won't get me anywhere.
(He's not liking the idea of me dropping our contact once he hits NS)
But I guess I'll hafta wait and see.

Sometimes I feel like telling him to stop wasting his
time with me and just move on.
But it'll just upset him won't it?
:(

He's partly why I've been so elated.
I've never been more giggly in my life.

Jojot, is the kinda guy every girl needs after a breakup.
And I'm dead lucky to be that girl.
It didn't take much to hit off.
He chatted with me, gave me his number which I didn't
take down cause I can't be bothered initially
but was dead interested.
And a few bings and bangs later, here we are.
I'd term this infatuated at 1st sight.

He wants to hold on, while I've been contemplating about
letting go.
He's just awesome.
Just so awesome like that.
:)

Movie date please

2009-12-19T20:40:00.002+08:00

I wanna watch all of these!

When Alvin and the Chipmunks 1st came out,
I refused to watch it cause I believed it to be
a stupid show and I just can't stand stupid shows.
But then my dad bought the CD and after that,
I couldn't stop watching it!
Thus here I am, (a year later I guess?)
inviting everyone I know to watch the movie with me.
Hehe.
Maybe I'll watch it with the sisters.
:D

I feel feverish today.
But as usual, I've got no fever.
Just sick here and there and my right eye
feels funny.
Oh well, I hope I'll wake up healthy tomorrow.
I have to, I've a wedding to attend!

2009-12-18T21:46:00.002+08:00

After close to a year, I met up with Izyan, Ainun,
Fandi, Zul and Haha for auditions at Taman Warisan.
It was an excuse to meet them and also try out for the new
Mediacorp show "Dikir Puteri" or "Puteri Dikir"?
Gosh I can't remember.
Anyways, we had to do it in 4s and Ainun let me go 1st cause
I had class at 3.30.
So the poor girl had to do it with strangers.
(Haha was just for support)

Khairuldin something was there.
When I saw him I was like "eh macam penah nampak eh"
and it took me a second later to realize that he's an actor.
(and the judge, clearly)
LOL.

Let me side track a lil.
I'm so freaking mad at Azureen right now cause
she forgot to turn off the steamer after using it and my room
is all steamy and I didn't notice it till she got home cause
the steamer was so dead silent and I had my back to the steamer
all along.
PFFT!

Anyways, after auditioning, Khairuldin something
asked me a question I couldn't answer on the spot.
:(
I really want to act.
And I don't want it to be obstructed by reasons like
costumes and whatever.
And I've got the feeling I might not get it because of that reason.
:(

I wish we had taken pichas.
It would have been nice, for keepsake.
I'm hoping we could meet again.
:)

My nose hurts.
Boo.

I'm liking this singlehood.
The independence and freedom.
I hope Jojot gives me my space.
I know he's very attached now but I'm hoping he doesn't
go overboard.
Cause if he does, like I told him, I'm gonna hafta say goodbye.
I don't wanna commit to anyone right now.
It's too tiring to even think about.
I just wanna focus all my energy on my school,
friends and family.
And trust me, I'm having fun as it is.

I'm having so much fun making Zureen feel guilty.
LOL!!!

life and it's tides

feelings

2009-12-18T00:25:00.002+08:00

I looked through the pichas where we were captured
in together.
A series of smiles and happy faces.
Funnily, I felt nothing, but a certain emptiness.
No melancholy or whatever I'm supposed to feel.

But I know the fear exists.
Cause it's grown bigger.
But at the same time, that fear is being accompanied
by apathy.
Apathetic Fear.
Who would've thought they'd go hand in hand?
LOL

Jojot ♥

When tak betul meets tak betul

2009-12-17T13:30:00.002+08:00

Chatting with Hyde always sets my neurons on overdrive.
We're always arguing about the stupidest things.
LOL
But hey, what are "kawans" for right Hyde??
:)

cause the grass is much greener on the other side

2009-12-17T11:55:00.002+08:00

I know it seems like it's just an introduction to some cartoon show.
But if we were to listen to the lyrics clearly, we will
see how much it makes sense.
"The grass is greener on the other side"
How often have we heard this phrase but are not able to understand
it's meaning?

I find it weird that this song keeps playing in my head at random
moments ever since the breakup occurred.
I guess it's just my inner self telling me that the grass is truly
greener on the other side.
We often stay at the grass patch we're on because we're comfortable
with where we are.
We're afraid to move.
We're afraid of the uncertainty of change.
We're afraid that when we move, the situation on the other side
might not be as great as the one we currently have.
Kinda like "letting go of the diamond for a stone"?

So the question is,
"when do we know when to move and when not to?"

I'll leave it open for the public.
I have an answer, but it's just my opinion.
And they say "everyone's entitled to their own opinion"
Right?
:)

2009-12-16T22:08:00.002+08:00

This song is haunting me.
Ever since he bluetoothed it to me,
I've been singing it over and over again.
(but only the 1st two lines of the chorus)
Pfft.

Yesterday was a fun day filled with Monopoly,
Canadian Pizza, Ainun, Fid and Suhaimi.
:)
I'm hoping Fid would upload the pichas soon.
I have yet to see em.
And hopefully, next week will give us an opportunity
to meet up at no cost.
We're planing to do this every week
before Sumi goes off the serve the nation.
:(

I'm at a certain high I just don't wish to fall
and crumble to my knees.
Life's been good so far...
:)
I'm just stuck at the plans after Advanced Dip.
Apparently I have 3 options, all very tempting.
But the fickle me just can't decide...

Boo.

so wrong but so right

2009-12-16T11:04:00.003+08:00

I was telling Zureen how calling me would be the
first thing he does when he wakes up.
And how he calls me before we both hit the sacks.
(the reason why I'm hardly online)
And how he was willing to change his number
just so it'll be free both ways.

And Zureen went "That's sad"
Curious, I asked "What's sad?"
Her reply, "He's so serious and you're only using him"
I just stood there, silent.
"Cat got my tongue" would have been the proper phrase.
Hesitantly, I said "I don't think I am anymore."

Hyde once said "You don't go breaking the poor boy's heart ah you"
And when he told me I fall for the wrong guys,
I looked back and think, I really do.
Cause this, is definitely the wrong guy.
In so many freaking ways.

but he makes me smile, laugh and giggle all the same.

we'll take it slow...

The Inevitable

2009-12-15T10:38:00.002+08:00

When people tell me of someone they've lost,
my heart will thump so fast
and at that instance, my mind will replay
the scenes from the past where the atmosphere was
heavy with tears, pain and sorrow.
It takes alot to hold back my own tears and block
all these memories away.

We know we'll all go someday.
Sometimes, when my mind stray, I'll imagine myself,
bounded in white and placed 7 feet from the ground.
I'll imagine myself in the dark, confined space that we
will call home once Death comes knocking on our doors.
And I'll panic.

I question myself each time if I'm ready for death.
If I'm ready to face Judgement Day.
If all the things I've done on Earth have been good enough.
But I know, deep down that nothing I've ever done will
be suffice.
I've committed many sins.
Some part flaws, some part choice
And I don't know how I'm to redeem myself to God
or whether God will accept my Taubat....

It kills me to know that we have to lose
the people we love, permanently.
But we cannot argue with God can we?
God has His reasons.
And He has promised us a better life after death if we follow
His orders.
But maybe sometimes, if we were to look at things,
Death is a great way to escape from this world.

Siti, I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope you're coping well...
The Sisterhood $1 is just a phone call away..
:)
♥

for God is Great

AKYM retreat 2009

2009-12-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

My awesomest 3 days of December.
Nothing beats time off from school, chores
and all the stress that's been weighing on my shoulders.

*THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SCENE!!!!*

I was so happy throughout the 3 days.
Well, apart from that small hiccup between Iqa and I,
but I suppose the thing about being best friends is that
you brush away all the shits and go on being awesome together.

I love them people.
For making me laugh till I cried,
(VERY VERY rare for me)
who made me feel at ease,
who remind me that there's so many things out there
I can do if I put my mind and heart to it.
I made this retreat possible.
THAT, I'm very proud of.
And now, I feel like I can take on any project.
*beams*
Sometimes we need some ego boost eh?
LOL.

boy, you've got me blushing so bad.

2009-12-14T11:59:00.003+08:00

My PM assignment.
And my 1st attempt at using the MS Publisher.
I hate assignments which involves designing things.
Cause clearly, I suck at it.
:(

I am hooked to this song.
Because of it's lyrics.

I found out during camp that I wasn't cheated on once,
but twice.
I've lost the game but hey, it's made me who I am today.
And I guess some people just can't change.

I salute you.
For being a great actor.
Really, you've got me fooled into thinking that the Love was real.

When we think we're good,
there's always someone better.
And I can safely say, I've met my Waterloo in this
game of love.

I've got so many "dates" this month I can't
remember the dates.
Nor can I remember who I'm to meet up with on those dates.
*grumble*
I wish people will invite me out on the week of the date
instead of weeks before it.

Girls, we have yet to celebrate the December babies' burpday.
And I miss you people like !$%$^^#@@

2009-12-13T22:43:00.002+08:00

I'm BACK!!!!

Camp/Retreat was awesome and tiring.
Despite the lack of participants.
We laughed like there's no tomorrow.

Someone ended up calling me throughout the entire
camp.
The phrase "ready at my beck and call" really suited him
LOL.
But he's the weirdest.
SERIOUS.
And I keep questioning where this constant contact
will lead to.
Cause really, it's like battling with so many issues.
As for now, I'm keeping things on the low.

I'll try to get the pichas.
And maybe, if I bother, I'll post some here.

I'm just hoping I get my moolah back ASAP.
I'll die if I don't.
HOW TO SURVIVE?!
OMG!!!!

Ok I'm tired.
Toodles.

Oh oh!
I know I mentioned that I'll privatise my blog right?
But after a few minutes chatting with Hyde,
I decided against it.
Cause eventually, I won't blog at all.
Kuang kuang kuang.

2009-12-11T09:29:00.002+08:00

I was watching this while having my breaky.
It's a rare occasion but somehow I had
the sudden urge to eat cause my tummy was growling
and I was feeling nauseous.
This coming from a person who eats a meal a day.
I guess it's my tummy demanding it's food
cause I've been neglecting it's hunger call.
I just don't have the appetite to eat lately,
I don't know why.

Anyways back to my topic.
As I was saying I was watching Adventureland when suddenly

she appeared in the movie.
I was like "eh!"
And then I scrutinized her acting,
got frustrated and turned off the TV.
CAUSE SHE CAN'T ACT!
(not saying that I can but OMG!)

Her character in this movie and as Bella Swan is exactly
the same!!!!
Emotionless, boring and dead

Need I say more?

But oh well, like my dad would say
I can complain about her acting skills but she'll
be the one with the big bucks and fame.
Pfft.
Life is SO unfair.
:(

piss off

2009-12-10T12:38:00.003+08:00

Rushing for time.
Suddenly everything seems incomplete.
And the freaking retreat is tomorrow.
What have we been doing?

I have plans to privatize this blog.
So readers, please leabve your email.
Else you'll just hafta read off FB's notes.
Meaning you can't watch videos.
Boo.

I've to go shopping for food and BBQ stuffs.
I've to iron the clothes.
I've to pack for the retreat.
I've to rush to school and back again
I wish I can teleport or maybe freeze time while I'm
doing my work.
:(

Oh well, tonight better be worth it.

psst.
I meant what I said last night.

the one who's new to me.

when will it end?

2009-12-09T00:10:00.003+08:00

I wondered throughout the night why
my eye twitched during MMR.
For a moment I thought it was cause someone
passed away cause the last time it did twitch,
I lost someone dear.
And I was si afraid it will happen again cause it's just unbearable.
Then after that, Hyde texted about the results.
It hit me so hard I was shaking when I tore
the result slip open.
But it wasn't that at all.
Yes my results could have been better but
it was no reason to cry.

Not until this.

It was like scratching on a healing wound...
but it made sense somehow.
I'll live with the pain and I suppose it'll make me stronger?

I'm still depressed about my results.
I'm blaming it on my assignment.
Because I was too opinionated and too technical.
Both in one report.
-.-
KL really is too strict.
Well at least I didn't get my marks minus cause
I missed out on the register number.
I'd kill myself for that seriously.
LOL

when will the pain go?

2009-12-08T11:06:00.002+08:00

Cause you are my sweetie pie.
*blush*
LOL

ssstutter the wrong words

2009-12-07T22:26:00.002+08:00

You know, I'm really a shy person.
It's just that I'm so good at covering all this
shyness with my loud and random act.
Yes.
I'm shy and the Atika you people
know is just an act.

Yunus called just now.
And he was like telling me how his gf isn't around.
Jokingly he said "kau jadi full time aku ah for one week"
I was shy.
I stammered and laughed.
Really, I'm that shy.
I avoided the topic and went "Nad gi ane?"
He replied "Bali"
I was going on about how awesome it must be to
just come home from Bangkok and is now in
Bali for another holiday.
Without thinking, I mean literally without thinking.
I asked "aku nak jadi matair kau boleh?"

Yunus therafter went "Ha. Kau nak jadi matair aku?"
By then I realized my error and was blushing profusely
(but of course no one could see it cause I was alone in the room.)
And went "Eh, eh!"
And laughed non stop in nervousness.
Yunus, with much confidence went
"Kau nak jadi matair aku ke nak jadi macam matair aku?
Ada difference tau"
And because I'm so embarassed by my boo boo,
I sheepishly laughed and went "NAK JADI MACAM MATAIR KAU!"

God, that was so embarassing.
And did I not mention that I am a shy person?

I think some people are probably rolling their
eyes right now.
LOL.

Sometimes, I look at the way I type and wonder what
happened to my close to flawless grammar I had back
in Secondary school.
My flow of my words are choppy and the words
do not come to me as freely as they used to.
One would think that taking Mass Comm would improve one's
English but I suppose I'm a living proof that
the claim is wrong.
Boo.

I miss having English lessons.
Be it with Ms Lee or Mrs Meya.
They were the best educators I had.
OH!
And Saul of course.
My favouritest *beams*

you won't admit you love me

oh random!

2009-12-07T10:49:00.002+08:00

The last one to turn 20.
Happy burpday dearest!
It's been a swell year.
With the celebration in April and Hari Raya.
Outings with you and the kecohrables are always, ALWAYS
a BLAST!
Can't wait to meet you.
Hope you have an awesome time today.
:)
Much love, me.

I borrowed this book.
Just grabbed it off the shelf.
And I'm halfway through it now.
I must say it's been doing great to my mind.
It makes me realize things I never noticed before.
I'll go into detain when I have the time.
Or maybe when I'm through reading it.
:)

A sudden memory hit me.
And I went to Google.
LOOOKK!!!!!

*Then*

*Now*

Isn't he like so HOT!?
*melts*
I swear I went GAGA over him when we were dancing
to his I want Candy back in Primary 5.
But now... gosh!
*speechless*
Oh, he's Aaron Carter by the way.

Ok I so gotta get ready for school.
I'm excited about tomorrow night.
*wriggles eyebrows*

part time bf.

2009-12-06T00:45:00.002+08:00

I rarely post burpday wishes for guy friends.
Cause firstly, I can't be bothered
and secondly, I only do this for special people.

So here's a big Happy 2oth Burpday
to my part time bf!
Hahakz.
My best friend.

For standing by me through it all.
For being there and taking the blame for
all the jealous boyfriends I had.
LOL.
For just being yourself.
And no, we can never go back to secondary school days.
I'm quite contented with what I have.
And may you and Nad last long
:)

I called him at 12 on the dot to wish him.
We chatted for 15 minutes or so then hung up.
A second after that, he called back and went
"Eh rabak seh aku. Kau wish beh aku tak cakap thank you"
I was laughing my ass off by then.
A quick goodbye after that and the line went dead.
And I was still laughing.

Yunus Yunus.
Kau betul nye gila.

I've gotta text the other burpday kids as well.
December is heavy with burpdays!!!!
Hahakz.

2010 is approaching.
And I must say, I'm curious as to what's in store for me.
Excited, anxious, fearful.
You name em all.
But if I do make it, I'm sure of one thing.
God has made me live another year.
And that, is one of the best gift one can have.
:)

pocketful of sunshine.

cause I still have my friends

2009-12-05T00:17:00.003+08:00

And thus, these 2 boys made my day.
Funny how I lost a boyfriend and still have
my boy friends.
And I've got my girls and my best friends.
Not forgetting my sisters and my MI mates.
Funny how I thought I've lost it all,
only to realize later on that I have it all.
:)

Accompanied Ajit for a job interview.
Thereafter we went for lunch at BK,
played arcade and watched...

You know when I first watched Twilight, it was awesome.
And then I read the books.
And now after watching New Moon, it seemed like Edward Cullen
and Bella Swan just aren't that awesome anymore.
Cause the actors suck!
Apart from Jacob Black that is.
The actors weren't able to deliver the kinda emotions
that Stephanie Meyer portrayed in the book.
It was on surface level.
I didn't feel that connection and I was frustrated!
Bella was detached.
And Edward isn't as good looking as the book described him to be.
I was sooo disappointed!

Anyways, after the movie, Ajit and I met Yunus.
And those boys hit off so well on the topic on bikes.
When they were done, they both bullied me.
And when that was done, Yunus came up with some
lame ass jokes which got me laughing like a hyena.
Yunus left after that and I accompanied Ajit
to wait for his friend.
During that period, we had a heart to heart conversation.
Simply put, Ajit slapped some sense into my head.
And after that, I felt better.
:)

Yunus called me to make sure I was home.
Like he always does whenever I meet him.
Even if it's just walking distance.
Weird.
But I guess it's his way of showing concern?

Ajit reminded me that no matter how many lemons
Life throws at me, I should always remember
that I have my friends.
And the only person who can pick me up and
save myself from my fall, is myself.
So, just to be sure, I've promised myself
to stay away from trouble.
This means, I'm staying away from my past,
and the people that made it sour.

God bless them.

confessions and thoughts

2009-12-04T11:34:00.004+08:00

She called me yesterday, just so you readers know.
The girl who's with the ex bf now.
Stammering, she requested that I hear her out 1st.
Which I did.
Apparently, they weren't lying when they said
the truth hurts, cause hurt it did.

Overcome by anger, I said "fuck off"
and hung up.
Thereafter, I texted her bf, coloured
the message with vulgarities.
Apparently the call disturbed the peace I had.
And every form of sanity last night seemed to be gone.
I swear I've never used so many vulgarities in one night.

Now, sane enough, I thought over what she said.
It's kinda appalling.
Firstly, she said that she's very sorry.
Secondly, she said she knows how I feel cause she's a girl
and she was cheated on once.
Thirdly, she said that it's not her to fall for someone else's bf.
Lastly, she said that I'm a great lady *rolls eyes 360 degress*
and that I didn't lose anything, but it's him who has lost me.

These are my thoughts:
1) No matter how sorry she said she is/was, it won't change things.
And as much as I am hurt, I do not wish to turn back time
because I've a new found joy in singlehood, one that I missed
during that awful 2+ years.
And no matter how sorry she is/was, she can't mend my heart.

2) She doesn't know how I feel cause she's not in my shoes now.
No one knows how I feel. And if she really knew, she would have avoided
him in the 1st place.
Like they say, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Why be the other hand when you know it'll hurt someone?
She's selfish, period.

3) But it is so like her to flirt with someone else's bf.
Look at point 2, I'm sure you'd understand.
One thing always lead to another.
Remember that girl I posted about once upon a time
during RYC, yes, it's her.

4) Funniest I must say.
Apparently she thinks I'm better off without Fad.
And Fad thinks I'm better off without him and thus he "claimed"
he got together with this girl as a "pawn"
*shrugs*
Apparently this new couple has issues.
They think their partner is hopeless.
If I were to have a bf whom I love so much, I won't
tell his ex gf he's the one who's lost someone great.
I'd tell her she's the one who lost someone awesome.
But hey, for this case, I guess they're both right.
And that's why they're well suited for each other.

I'm the kinda person who doesn't judge a person by their
status or by their riches or lack of it.
I don't look down on people because I have no right to.
I am not perfect.
I don't get why people can tell me that I deserve better.
Unless of course you're talking about the way I was treated,
then yes, I do.
Because in no way does a girl deserve to be cheated on.
But other then that, who are we to judge?
Fate lies in God's hands.

She told me yesterday that they got together
before we broke up.
And she was "why did you break up with her?!"
when Fad told her of our break up.
And I was like "what kinda girl wants to be the 2nd girl
in a guy's life?"
I predict she's the kinda girl who'll be the one to wreck
other people's marriages.
What do you call the 2nd wife in Malay?
Madu?
Whatever.

And Fad, who claimed initially that he never cheated on me,
said yesterday "I cheated on u? yeah I did. N u noe wat?
serve you ryt"
Had she never called, I would never have known.
Somehow, it gives me a sense of closure.
And an understanding of the kinda guy he is.
He did apologize this morning though not forgetting
to insert some self pitying message.
But I refused his apology.
Cause I know there's no point lying.
I've never been able to forgive, let alone forget.
This is the kinda shit that'll take me a year, at least,
to entirely forget.

But despite it all, I asked myself,
what have I done to deserve this?
Or what have I not done?
The lying, the mind fucking, the cheating, the emotional abuse.
Was I not good enough?
Or maybe this is the flaw in my life cause the other
parts are perfect?
Cause really, I had it all.
And I was contented with what life presented me.
Until now that is.

But I'm proud of myself.
I've come a long way, I've grown stronger.
Even if I say so myself.
:)

the truth, unfold.

beautiful liar

2009-12-04T01:36:00.000+08:00

The lyrics say it all eh?
:)

cause I'm a bigger bitch

2009-12-03T23:19:00.004+08:00

Like I give a fuck even if you cried
bloody tears.
*flicks hair*

Don't apologize for something you had no guts to admit
to boy.
It was all a lie.
Just like how we were a lie.
Thank God for the truth.
:)

Wifey dearest, we're awesome, we know that.
We deserve awesome people.
Right?
Don't fret about tonight..
It's just a test from above.
And I'm proud to say, I passed
:)
I'm sure you did too.

I Pierre Cardin-ed today.
It's blue and.. blue.
Hahakz.

Such a tiring day.
Wifey and I walked from Paragon to Far East
(where I bumped into Fathiah and Fiqa)
and Wisma and back to Taka and back to Wisma
before heading for school.
I was so tired I didn't even bother about ION.
:(

I can't wait for next week!!!
*jumps in joy*
Seems like we have lots of plans for me!!

Before I end this post..

any guy out there wanna be the 1st?
I really wonder if cockroaches are that feared by
guys in my social circle.
PLEASE someone be that Knight in shining armour!
Hehe.

Ok goodnight humans.

we bout to swing and bang

life cycle

2009-12-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

When God takes someone away,
He presents you someone new.

Welcome to Earth Muhd Syahmi Anik
(I'm hoping I got the spelling right)
There's so much in store for you,
so much we hafta to teach you.
And it's something I'm looking forward to.
:)

the beauty of life

for all my ladies out there

2009-12-01T21:11:00.005+08:00

We're gonna be ok.

Sometimes when my girls tell me of shits they've
been through with the guy they surrendered their heart to,
I wished so much I could take away their pain and
protect them.
But how could I?
I myself wasn't capable of protecting my own heart.
I let it fall and crash to the floor.
And instead of picking the pieces up and putting them back
together, I let them be and pretend nothing had happened.
And yet, my heart ached each time Wifey or Zureen tell
me stuffs that would definitely hurt every girl.

We are all victims of love.
You, me, us.
As much as I want to take away the pain from the girls
I love, I know I can never do so.
I can only watch and listen and hold back my own
tears.
I can only say "everything's gonna be alright"
when I'm unsure of things myself.
I get frustrated each time I fail.
I get upset at letting them feel the pain
they never ever deserved.

But we know, we must know
that no matter how abandoned we might feel,
there are always girls out there who had their hearts
broken.
We must know, that no matter where we are,
we are never ever alone.
Cause in our hearts, there's always God.
And somewhere out there, wishing she could be there,
is me.

This is me, trying to be strong for myself,
and for my girls.
This is me, standing up to my ghosts.
This is me telling you girls how much I care for
and love you.
This is me, telling you girls that you'll be ok.
Not because it's the right thing to say but because
it's the truth.

We are gonna be ok.
:)
Have faith, all of you.

te amore

I don't have OCD

2009-12-01T12:25:00.005+08:00

I might have issues on certain things,
but it don't mean I have OCD.
I'm just very particular about hygiene and certain stuffs.
Because I've been through shits before
and I do not wish to repeat history.
It doesn't matter what it is.
I'm the kinda person who steps 100m away from
things that'll trigger my paranoia.
You can say I'm paranoid.
But I'll just brush it off as taking precautions.
Cause you're not me, I'm not you.
And neither of us are in any position to judge
or comment on each other.

Unless of course if the comments will benefit us.
But for now, I believe, only God has the right to judge me.
He always has and always will.

I do things based on what I feel is right, not
what I think is right.
Because sometimes, when you listen to your head too much,
hell will break loose.
But that don't mean I don't use my head at all.
That's why, I've been labeled emotional.
But then again, do I care?

:)

God has answered most of my prayers.
And I can never be more grateful.
God has given me all I ever wanted.
And I'm ashamed because I want more.
But I am human after all.

psst Hyde, I really don't have OCD.
LOL

Because you just triggered and unknown strength

2009-11-30T10:22:00.002+08:00

and the tears, they came like Niagara falls...

Reality will always hurt.
"I'll pick up the pieces of my broken heart and be gone"

I'm considering moving this blog.
Or...
Just not blog at all.

because I have issues

2009-11-29T20:35:00.002+08:00

You know, this is the kinda situation that gets
every girl so damn fucking pissed.
After being cheated on, who do you blame?
The guy for being an asshole?
The girl for being a bitch?
Or yourself for being stupid?

Is it really true?
"All's fair in love and war"
If it is so is "every girl for herself" the one thing I should do now?
Be selfish and hurt another girl just cause I fancy her bf?
That'll make me just like that bitch won't it?

Was talking with Zureen the other day.
Apparently she's been contacting this old friend,
for rebound purposes.
And that guy's getting married.
I don't know whether to be upset, but the guy, like all guys,
entertained her more then she desired.
What's with guys man?
1stly, they just know how to butter you up with sweet words.
And then, when you're soft and vulnerable, they just chuck you like that.
Are we dealing with human or animals here?
No sorry, I'm sure animals have more compassion then these men.
What's with 21st century men?

I told myself that just because some girl was a bitch,
don't mean that I'll do the same thing to other girls.
Right?
Because I respect a person's relationship.
But then there's this part of me, naturally the bitchy part,
will go "why care when other don't"
Is this really what we've reduced to?
Selfish, greedy and heartless?
What's to expect in the years to come?
Is infidelity to be tolerated?

I can guess one thing though.
At the rate cheating is going on, we can expect more
homosexuality in our society.
Because naturally, sexism will increase and people,
so very afraid to be hurt, will turn to the one thing
they believe to be safe- gay-ism.

Oh and guys I'm sure you've loads to argue about us women.
Go ahead then.
:)

But I'm sure of one thing.
The ratio of the number of women who were cheated on
is much higher to those men cheated by women.
And hell, we're talking about heterosexuals here.

I'm not giving up on Love.
Because I know and believe that the Greatest Love of
all comes from God.
But I am giving up in believing that there are potential nice guys
out there.
It's a cruel world we live in.
Sometimes I think, it's too cruel for a softie like me.

And after much consideration,
I think I'd better not go against my principles.
Just cause someone else was selfish and heartless,
don't give me the right to do so.
I will never, let me repeat, NEVER stoop that low.
:)

Cause I know I deserve better than what she's taken from me.
And I know what he has, can never make me happy.
I just hope he's happy.
Less wit, more crap.
I just think sometimes, he just wasn't man enough to handle me.

I sometimes think I should marry a lawyer.
I'll definitely have fun arguing, it's what I do best.

I'll look for the star in the darkest of nights

2009-11-29T18:27:00.002+08:00

When Louise Bagshawe commented that this book is
"Unputdownable", I thought it was an exaggeration.
And hell, the word don't even exist.
Not until I read the book myself.
It's like stepping into a Hollywood movie and watching each
character unfold.
This book is simply....*sigh*
So much drama, so much suspense and romance.
Something a girl needs on a lonely night.

The family spent the whole day yesterday waiting for
the guests that never came.
The guests that we painstakingly cleaned our room for.
The guests that my mum cooked for.
A whole pot of rice and cake.
WTF.
Like how rude and inconsiderate can one get?
I think at the very least they could have informed us.
It doesn't take much does it?
Just pick up the phone and dial.
Or, turn on the PC and type.
Pfft.

Wasted the whole Saturday at home.
I turned down invitations because of that.
Could have gone to that make up course Wani recommended.
Or help Ustaz Muhd with whatever he asked help for the other day.
Or, have that very important AKYM meeting.
Time's running out and waiting is the last thing I should be doing.

Tired of waiting, the family (minus Ica who's been in Malaysia)
went to Orchard to check out the Christmas lighting.
It isn't really new to me cause I've been there with Wifey
a couple of times.
But with the camera and the crowd, the place suddenly
looks spectacular.
As usual, the pichas will go into FB.
I don't know why, posting pichas on blogs are such a chore these days.

We initially planned to go to ION and Orchard Central.
So we parked the car at Ngee Ann City and walked to ION
and ended up being stuck there.
Spent a few minutes at Bobbi Brown where my mum bought herself
a lipstick and us a blusher.
You know the kinda blusher which.. ok the blush stick?
I think it's called that.
Well, the box said "Sheer colour cheek tint"
Oh well, I so suck with cosmetics.
I can't even apply my blusher without having Zureen to correct it.
Yeah, THAT bad.

Went to Zara after that.
We spent quite awhile there.
You know how I mentioned that I don't wanna do impulse shopping
anymore this time around?
Well... I bought 2 tops.
*sheepish smile*
Went searching for a Coffee Bean after that.
Apparently, it wasn't that easy to find.
Cause most of the malls were closed which means that
the Coffee Beans inside would be closed too.
Right?
Well, that's what I told my dad anyways.

We walked back to our car.
Apparently there was a freaking long queue in the carpark itself.
I really can't understand how carparks can have queues but when
you look at things, maybe it'll make sense.
LOL.
We ended up at West Coast Park's McCafe for supper.
OJ, Cheese Cake, some Chocolate cake, McNuggets meal,
Latte and Double Chocolate Frappe.
We did fries twice.
Apparently the Shaker Fries are just too delicious.

Today, was supposed to be the day I have my acupuncture.
Cause apparently, I have some umm... problems.
But we ended up at Tanjong Katong Complex instead.
Went to Golden Chance where mum got a new brooch
and Zureen and I got a pair of heels it.
I must say it's quite nice.
Dad sent his hp for repair.
Thereafter, bored and restless, we went to Limbang.
Went into the TCM clinic.
The acupunturist said that my problem cannot be solved
by acupuncture.
I'll hafta eat medication.
But mum said it wasn't worth it cause she knows I won't
take em.
Especially when it's herb like.
Heck, I didn't even eat the medicine we got for my tummy
last year.
Ended up at Mc for McFlurry, Sundae, Coke Light and SHAKER FRIES!
LOL.

Thus here I am, on my bed typing all these out.
Waiting for Ica to reach Singapore soon.
She's been gone for 7 days and I've been sharing
my bed with Zureen.
I tried sleeping in their room once, on Ica's bed, but
it was just too stuffy for me.
Apparently their air-con's not as powerful as mine.
Like serious.
Zureen complained my room's too cold.
FYI, the air-con in their room's set at 22 degrees
while mine's at 24 degrees.
Told ya it's powerful.

I'm just glad Ica's home.
I finally have my bed to myself,
and my peace too!
:P

I miss my girls and boys.

2009-11-28T18:26:00.002+08:00

I thought things through.
Thought about this guy who was once in my life.
He was the perfect gentleman.
The kinda guy who fetches you before going out on your date.
The kinda guy who arrives 10 minutes earlier
from the stated meeting time.
The kinda guy who makes sure you eat your meals.
The kinda guy every girl wants.
I guess?

And then I thought over how things ended between us.
So much confusion, so little communication.
So 5 years ago.
So young, so naive.
We thought we were in love.
I smiled to myself each time I think about how we defined love.
In every relationship after that.
There were a few times I believed myself to be in love.
But I guess it was more infatuation then love.
Many a times.
I dropped the nice guy because of so many reasons.
One of them, was my ego.

I'm not the kinda person to regret my decisions.
True there were times I'd wonder how things would have been
had I held on to the strings which seemed so feeble.
But I never regretted them.
Cause I believe everything happens for a reason.

Within that 5 years I've met up with guys, jerks, assholes
you name them all.
And I realized, just a few months back, the kinda person
I actually want.
All these years, I looked for Ajin's (yes him of all people)
characteristics in a guy.
But hey, we all become stupid once in a while.
And now, after Fad left, I mentally cancel out all
the "characteristics of a guy" list in my head and added new ones.

Funny how we learn things the hard way don't you think?

He told me the other day, that he's free from love.
In a way.
I envy that.
But I suppose he had to go through so much heartache
to achieve that level of contentment in life.
I guess I must wait and heal this heart of mine.
And I wonder how long that'll take.

And if you're reading this, I think you know who you are.
;)
You were one of the best.
I just happen to realize it now.
After I've matured.
HAHAHAKZ.
But Fad, will always stand out,
for every thing.
From loving me to hurting me.

For now, I'll get ready to go to Orchard with my family.
The people who will never ever stop loving me no matter what.

OMG WHAT TO WEAR?!

2009-11-28T00:35:00.001+08:00

Hyde mentioned that all guys, by nature, are jerks.
And it just depends on whether a girl
has gotten herself a nice jerk.

I used to think that all males will
in every way defend their own gender.
Like how I will argue to the ends
of the Earth if a MCP were to insult my gender.
But hearing it from a guy makes it even more convincing
don't you think?
A girl will never admit that all girls are bitches.
So really boys, are you all jerks?
;)

2009-11-27T10:54:00.002+08:00

I cannot forgive what I can never forget.
And I cannot possibly be friends with
someone who's inflicted so much mental
and emotional pain on me.
At least not yet...
Not till I forget.

I should've known.
Should have let go when you called me a Bitch.
But you cried.
And I caved.
Maybe everything was just an act after all.
Cause we're 2 very good dramatists.

There will always be that discomforting feeling
in my chest each time your name's mentioned.
I cannot deal with it.

Selamat Hari Raya Haji everyone.
Apologies for the words above, but I do need to let
it out, somewhere.
And this is my blog after all.

There's so much to say.
But I'll cap them right back into my pressure bottle.
Maybe when I'm ready to burst again, I'll
post em here.

I really do hope my aunt goes into labour today.
At least there'll be something to be happy about right??

la facade

2009-11-26T00:30:00.001+08:00

So ok, my to-do list wasn't completed.
My ironing was done halfway and my bed
is still bare and naked.
(this also means that I'll hafta sleep on Ica's bed)
BUT I HAD AN AWESOME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok pichas in FB!!!!!
Goodnight people!!

2009-11-25T12:19:00.001+08:00

To do list today:
1) Iron basketful of clothes
2) Put on new bed spread with comforter
3) Have lunch
4) Get ready for class outing!
5) Check out Yunus' new haircut if time permits.

I'm hungry so I think I'll do lunch 1st.
More like brunch actually, it's 12
:D

2009-11-24T22:45:00.002+08:00

I had an awesome day today.
It's like everything conquered in a day.

♥Had lunch with Zureen at Lot 1 Mc.
♥Borrowed 2 books from library.
♥Went to BBDC to apply for my BTT which
will be the 23rd of December.
*gulp*
♥Went for Print Media class.
♥Met Zamy after that to recce our chalets,
I'm excited about the Retreat now.
It's so naturey.
Hehe.
♥Met part time bf after that.

He turned to his friend, pointed at me and went
"aku nak matair ngan dia boleh?"
I looked up and went "aku tanak!"
And his friend went "ah dengar tu. depan muka kau dia cakap"
After that, Yunus looked at me and said "yok gi ROM"
I gave him my "you're out of your mind" face,
and he laughed.

This bugger beats all my guy best friends hands down.
Cause the rest came and left.
He came and stayed.
And on occasions, put me before his gf.
*guilty*
I hope they have better luck in their relationship
than I had with mine.

I saw him just now.
He won't even look at me.
And we both laughed cause it was damn awkward.
I didn't know being rejected means we couldn't
talk at all.
LOL.

Going out with the classmates tomorrow!
I'm thuper duper ethited!

set my priorities

2009-11-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

Because you abandoned your responsibility,
I hafta answer for you.
And deal with the pain.

EVERYTHING you do, turns back to bite at me.

Fuck you.

questions, unanswered

2009-11-23T21:57:00.005+08:00

I just went through the photos in Bluey.
And in FB.
I look at all those memories captured,
the smile, the funny faces, the joy.
Then I wondered, whatever happened to those carefree
moments we used to have?
Has Time moved that quickly?
Why aren't we slowing down?
What are we all truly after?

Wealth, Status?
But why?
We know that they can't last.

What is it about Life that makes us run and chase
and tire ourselves out so much we neglect the
truly important things?
Like spending time with the people we love.
And what if someday we realize that it's too late to tell
the person we love that we love them?
And they lived their lives thinking that we hate them?
And what if, we never ever get to tell them how much
they mean to us?
I don't want that.

I'm so full of emotion lately I surprise myself.
I laugh one minute, I cry the next.
If this were a movie, it would have gotten a rating of 0.5 out of 5.
And this is the kind of mood perfect for a role.
I miss acting.
:(

I wish I could slow things down.
I wish I could do so many things.
But I know I can only do so much to change life.
I wish things weren't this complicated.
I wish I have better control of my emotions.
I wish I weren't a girl.
Then that stereotype won't be there.

I really don't know if I should be mad at you.
Cause truly, I'm tired.
Every dream of you weighs me down emotionally.
I don't even need your presence to weigh me down.
It just goes to show how impactful you were/are.
But why you?
And the dreams, why now?
After all this time.
After the high I felt from Joy.
Why?

To the ones who stayed, and the ones who love,
to the ones I miss and the ones I love:

THANK YOU.

When you're down, always look up.
Cause the sky's the limit.
:)

♥

2009-11-22T22:24:00.002+08:00

Keyshia Cole- Love

I used to think that I wasn't fine enough
And I used to think that I wasn't wild enough
But I won't waste my time tryin' to figure, out
why you playing games, whats this all about
And I can't believe,
Your hurting me
I met your girl, what a difference
What you see in her
You aint see in me
But I guess it was all just make-believe

[Chorus]

Oh, Love
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....

[Verse 2]

Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
My rainy days fade away when you,
come around please tell me baby
why you go so far away
Why you go...

[Chorus]

Love......
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....

I found you
yeaaahhhh
oooooo

Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
Rainy days fade away
when you come around
say your here to stay
With me boy
I don't want you to leave me
I need you.........

Bought a 2 for $49 from Vogue.
Impulse shopping.
Pfft.
Dad asked me to take the something something
which actually means enroll for car license.
I cannot be happier.
It's the best news this whole day.
That and the fact that we had Shin Tokyo for dinner.
Once my PMS leaves, I'll be done with these emo posts
and back to my old bubbly self.
(I hope)

I made a new friend.
His name is Naz.
And he called me "adik cute"
Like wtf?!
Just cause I told him he's good looking
he self-proclaimed himself as
"abang handsome" and I became the "adik"?
If Yunus is right, I'm older by a year.
Pfft.

I think I like Keyshia Cole now.
Her vocals are awesome, so are her songs.
How come I didn't know about her sooner?
I'm REALLY outdated when it comes to songs.
Believe it or not, I didn't know Black Eyed Peas
have a song called "I've got a feeling"
if Wit hadn't mentioned it and I wouldn't have
listened to it if I hadn't told Zureen.
I am K-E-N-T-A-L.
YAY.

i don't trust dicks

2009-11-22T16:42:00.002+08:00

Remind me why you're worth letting go.
Remind me why I deserve such misery.
Remind me why you're the one I run away from
and you're the one I want to run to now.
Remind me why I fell in love in the 1st place.
Remind me what's it like to love someone so much
you'd do anything for them.

Remind me of the times I smiled,
when my emotions weren't betraying my eyes.
When my laughters weren't empty and hollow.

It was just a dream.
But it was enough to send me spiralling down.
Am I that weak?

Dear God, help.
I ran out of options, I ran out of strength.
I ran out of lies, I ran out of facades.

I need you.

2009-11-21T22:42:00.002+08:00

Thursday

Went cycling with Iqa.
From Yew Tee to Bukit Batok.
(Pichas soon to be upoaded in FB)
I swear my legs are aching till now.
Almost fainted.
HAHA.
OK exaggerated, but damn, it was one hell
of a cycle.
Went to school after that.
Accompanied Wifey to town.
We didn't do much, just walked around, went to
my favourite toilet at Orchard Central, walked around some more,
ate dessert, walked around, took train, good night.
HAHAKZ.

Friday

Last day of work for the year.
It was extra mucky I tell you.
Some kids have green mucus coming out from their
nostrils and the worst thing is, I hafta clean it for em
cause they don't know/want to clean it up themselves.
So frustrating!
And while everyone else bought lollipops, biscuits and stickers
for the kids, I bought Hersheys kisses.
Wonderful.
It seemed so inappropriate but heck, the children loved it.
Hahakz.
Went to Causeway Point with Wifey after that
to get my belt fixed.
ALMOST spent $12.90 but cause Feeqa said we should look
around 1st, which I'm glad we did, the belt was fixed at $1.50.
Had I succumbed to my impulsive nature, I would have lost
more money than required.
Bought lip balm at Face Shop while Wifey bought nail polish.
Found out later Body Shop sells the same kinda lip
balm for $3 cheaper.
Boo.
Went to school after that.

After school, we went to Pivot Point Academy to
have Wifey's haircut by my mother.
Gorgeous by the way.
:)
Walked around Bugis after that.
Almost bought a bag... but yeah, no more impulsive buying for me.
:D
Learning to CONTROL.
Had supper at LJ!!!

Today

Parents went to Clarks warehouse sale.
Zureen and I went to McCafe to "study" and satisfy our
cake cravings.
Mum was nice enough to buy for me a pair of shoes.
It costs $70.
And it's considered on SALE.
-.-

I have my last Pergas paper tomorrow.
And 9 surahs to memorize.
I've not gotten a single one confidently in my head.
I used to memorize all of em.
Once upon a time.
But age caught up with me ah, what to do.
HAHAKZ.
So lazy now...
:(
And then the cramps.

Ok, I'm basically just making excuses.
kuang kuang kuang.
Let's all die together.

starry nails!

2009-11-21T00:39:00.001+08:00

SHAGGED!!!

will update some other time.
Hafalan yet to be done.
OMG!!!

2009-11-18T20:12:00.002+08:00

Everyone, meet our new toys!
I'm diggin' the bike, not the keyboard.
Cause I can only play part of Dahil Sayo,
Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars and Mary Had a Little Lamb.
Hahakz.

The guitar's Ica's by the way.
We're left with an electronic drumset.
Then we can start our band.
*rolls on floor laughing*
But really, I'd love to have one, in my room.

So pretty, I wonder if they have it in blue
:D

Oh well, I hafta give it all up one day anyways..
I'm ageing.
:(
Not dancing is already making me feel...
OLD.
:(
:(
:(

Ok bye.

2009-11-18T12:47:00.002+08:00

My favouritest scent.
Selling at $33 for a 100ml.
With free delivery.
I AM SO BUYING IT!

*jumps in joy*

Psst another addition to our home.
It's not really my thing but the sisters are ecstatic.
Keep in tuned
:)

2009-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 21st Burpday Wifey!
Thanks for being around through all those shitty
classes and some shitty classmates.
Through the mat prank calls and mat policeman.
Hahahahahahakz.
Me lurp you!!
Psst.
Sat ok??

FUNNY SHIT!!!!

2009-11-17T22:34:00.002+08:00

My mum said that the painting of my
room should be done next year.
So, I'll have a purple room till next year comes.
Oh well, better than nothing.

This Friday's the last day of school.
And it's freaking me out cause it'll mean that
the end of the year is coming, which means that
next year is coming, which means that I'll
be a freaking 2-1.
I don't wanna be a 2-1.
I'm already not happy being a big 2-0.
It's like a step into adulthood.
I don't wanna be an adult.
And yes, I'm whining right now cause it's
what I do best.

Anyways, here's what's been happening.
Not large scale though, just mini happenings in my life.
Apparently my life is so routine, I can breeze through
a day with my eyes closed.

You know, try as I might, I can never eliminate Fad
entirely from my life as long as I'm still in Singapore.
The country's small, everyone practically knows everyone else.
I have people telling me "eh I saw Fad"
or "aku terserempak ngan Fad" or "kau tak contact Fad?"
And in most cases I'll just reply "ok" or "abeh?" or "uatpe?"
But sometimes, when you think you've gotten rid of everything,
you realize soon after that some things are just here to stay.
Or maybe overlooked.

It was in my wallet for quite a while now, and
I only noticed it on Sunday.
It's probably some weird spelling to you people,
but it had a joke behind it.
And I laughed as I remembered what it was about
when he wrote it on my appointment card.
Months back.
2 weeks back, he told me to leave him, forget him, hate him.
A funny request.
I can only fulfill the 1st request.
I can never hate, try as I might.
And forgetting, is impossible.
I'm gonna throw it away.

I hate goodbyes.
Pauline came over to the nursery class yesterday
looking for me.
It wasn't just the bracelet that she wanted to pass to me.
It was the frog too.
And to thank me for helping her out for the few months.

*Froggie*

I was upset knowing that my timings with the K2s
will always clash and I'll never see Patrick again.
Cause he'll be in Primary school next year.
I was upset that I got what I wanted after I didn't want it.
I was upset that the year's ending and some of the kids
won't be continuing at the same centre or are going
back to their homeland.
I was upset about having to deal with goodbyes just
after a forced one a month back.

I never liked people coming in and out of my life.
It's tiring having to say Hi and Bye all the time.
I know it's part and parcel of life, but come on,
gimme a break!

We started our new term yesterday.
Mass Media Research under Mr Omar for 1st lesson.
I think I'm the only one who thinks he's cute.
He's pelat (whatever it's English word is) and he's very very charming.
Not forgetting to mention funny.
I LIKE funny men.
They add a little zest to life.
:)

You're probably scratching your head at the
inconsistent emotion (if there are any to begin with),
in this post.
Blame it on the PMS.
Kuang kuang kuang.

Ok, I'll go back to Carrie Bradshaw now.
She's like my idol of all idols.
And I only have 2, Taufik and Taufik.
:P

hungry again and again and again

2009-11-16T21:54:00.003+08:00

:)
I've got a pocketful of stardust.
So come, take a ride with me.

I feel a poem coming.
PMS works wonders on my neurons.

I ate Oreo Cheesecake at 11 pm.
The thing our monthly dilemma does to us women.
And mine's lost it's way, but
it's presence is so strong I gained 2 kg.
Yet, I still want that juicy meatballs with my bolognaise.
Now who on earth do I drag with me to these crazy cravings?
My poor Wifey needs a break.
Hahakz

And if you don't understand what I've just mentioned.
raise your hands.

and I'll tell you I don't get it too.

2009-11-14T23:06:00.002+08:00

Oh God, like FINALLY.
Took forever just to load this Posting page.
I really can't tell if it's a islandwide lag or just my home.
*sigh*

Rule number one: never tell a guy you're single
unless you're interested.
Rule number two: when you've broken rule number one,
never tell him you're about to get attached.
Rule number three: make sure you know the guy
before giving him your number.
Rule number four: when all else fail, get yourself
a part-time bf.

It started off with a simple conversation.
Which led to exchanging of numbers.
Which soon after led to persistent requests to meet,
despite the many bullshit reasons I gave.
Desperate, I told him I was in the process of having
a bf, some prince charming from my dreams.
And thereafter, I thought my problem was solved
cause he kept quiet a few days.
But no.... he had to ask such a question first
via sms and then *points upwards*
What's it with these guys anyway?
It's not like I've never rejected him before.
I did, 3 years ago.
*screams and pulls out hair*
At this rate, I think I'll turn Homo just
to get rid of all these irritants.

And this guy *points up*, is just damn weird.

Pergas exams tomorrow.
And I've not studied a single shit.
Yay me!

crazy dreams

the sweetest and the craziest

2009-11-13T19:28:00.003+08:00

I was napping earlier this evening when I got
a call from an unknown number.
Groggily, I answered and was quite surprised
to hear Pauline's voice at the other end of the line.
No one from work has ever called me out of the blue
unless it's for work-related purposes.

I suddenly became wide awake.
She asked about my exams and how I was enjoying
after sitting for my last paper.
Told her I can't celebrate yet cause I've got Pergas
exams to sit for this Sunday and the next.
Boo.
(not like I've ever studied anyways)

I asked her how she was cause she was sick yesterday
and despite being sick, the poor woman had to come down
for work cause there'll be no one else to cover for
her as I had exams.
She also asked if I'm gonna continue next year.
I told her I've asked Geraldine about it and am still
waiting for a response.
She told me to come back to Earhart, my K2s.
I would love to, but my Pre-N needs me more I suppose.
I miss Patrick.
:(

Nearing the end of the conversation, she told
me that the purpose of her calling was to tell me
that she bought that bracelet I wanted.
Cause the other day it was out of stock or maybe
I couldn't find it.
So she quickly bought it for me this time around.
And the sweetest thing was, she remembered I like blue.
And she got me the blue one!
I was like "Thank you so much!"
Really, I really am grateful when people do these kinda
things for me.
I just don't know how to react.
Because sometimes, "Thank You" just don't seem enough.
I wish there was a bigger word than "Thank you"
And sometimes I wish I could show people
how grateful I am instead of just saying "Thank You"

The other day, Harith's mum came over with 2
buns for Cynthia and I.
I was taken aback by her gesture.
It was very sweet.
And naturally, I said "Thank you" but felt that it wasn't enough.
I really don't know..

If I could say "Thank you" right now, it would be to Yunus
and Wit.
Yunus expecially.
Because despite it all, he still stayed and entertained.
Through every breakup, he was there.
And it's not in a way like my Grrlfrens and best friends were.
Those we comforting too.
Yunus' help is waaay beyond my gratitude.
And only a guy like him would deliver free pizza to a person like me.

Wit on the other hand, just cracks me up.
Even with the smallest lamest jokes he conjures up.
I think like Hyde said "once you've been miserable for too long,
you just catapult upwards"
And I think Wit's 1st conversation with me after my breakup
was the spark that set the catapult off.
:)
I laugh at everything and anything these days.
Even when people don't find it funny, I laugh.
I'm so easily amused people think I'm nuts!
Hahakz.

You might not find it funny.
But I find it hilarious.
*rolls on floor laughing*
They say kids say the darnedest things.
I beg to differ.
Wit says the darnedest things!
:)

I have chores to catch up with.
2 weeks worth of chores.
And I plan to repaint my room before it's being used
as a Guest room.
I have to get used to the idea of sharing my bed
for this entire week.
How can one not be selfish after having a whole Queen
to one's self for 7 years?
Hehe.

Anyone wanna help me paint?
I want a night sky on my ceiling.
No freaking idea how I'm gonna do that but..
yeah, I want it.

a simple gesture goes a long way

2009-11-12T19:46:00.002+08:00

I don't get what's with the question.
Is it a must to get a new guy once you're
done with the old one?
And trust me, he isn't the 1st to ask such a question.

Fizan went "Kau contact laki da macam Pokeball seh"

He made it sound like it's a crime.
I'm merely socializing really.
And it's not in the way he puts it.
We're all on friendly terms.
Well, at least I think that way..

Some people just don't get the meaning
of "space"
Pfft.

Desperado

2009-11-11T19:01:00.001+08:00

We need to meet up, pronto.
I need a dose of you crazy asses.
Hahakz.

Missing you people like !@#@%@

confused

2009-11-11T16:54:00.002+08:00

Dear God, please help me make the right decision
this time around.
I want this very badly.
But I'm not sure if it's the right route for me.
And I'm not sure if it's what I really really want
or just another impulsive, crazy idea of mine.

I don't wanna spend my whole life figuring out
what's right and wrong...

:(

Whatever it is, I've got to complete this Advanced Dip
first and this Friday's EM paper is a must kill.
*sigh*

fickle minded freak

Family Day 2009

2009-11-10T20:36:00.004+08:00

It was one of those moments where I thank God for blessing
me with such awesome family members.
Despite the distance, we are still tight.
Had my parents not bothered to go back
to family history, we wouldn't have known our origins
and definitely not know the wonderful people
we spent a wonderful weekend with.

The drive to Melaka was a short one thank God for
clear traffic at 6 am in the morning.
The initial plan was to leave the house at 5 but
the everyone woke up at 5 instead.
So throughout the journey, my dad was speeding cause
we were afraid we will be late since we're the furthest.
And with the winding roads and cramped seats no thanks
to excessive luggages, Khairul puked.

We were the 1st to arrive surprisingly.
The rest of the family members weren't around yet.
So wasting no time, I took out my school text and continued
with my notes cause I had PR paper the following Monday.
What seemed like a few minutes later, we were on the road again,
a more winding one.
And this time, I puked.
But because the roads were too small
and we were tailing someone else, we couldn't afford
a pit stop.
I had to let it all out in a plastic bag which smelt like biscuits
and made me puke harder.

After that torturous journey, we finally arrived at the chalet.
And the best thing was, we had the beach all to ourselves.
We wasted no time changing into uniformed shirts
and stocking ourselves with food.
Thereafter, we played a variety of games.
As of now, I can only remember Bingo, Tug-of-War,
10 cents and 5 cents, blindfold make-up artiste and ummm
yeah I forgot what other games we played.

It was ubber fun seriously.
I didn't even care about the fact that I had a PR paper.
HAHA.
The only time I studied was when I sulked.
But I fell asleep after that.

We spent the night barbecuing and karaoke-ing.
And for once, I could sing to my heart's content.
Hahakz.
It was nice seriously.
We're hoping for this to be a yearly thing.

Soaked in the sea the following morning.
I look darker now and my nose is still red.
Pfft.
We played water games too.
I could go into detail if my memory hadn't been so
short-termed and my exams are over.
I'm uploading the pichas in FB.
Anything just check it out there.
It's such a hassle to post up individual photos here.
Ok, mainly because I looked shabby.
Hahakz.

I bumped into Atan (real name Yusof I guess) last Thursday.
We exchanged numbers and he contacted me.
But because all these while I thought his name was Amat,
I begged him to allow me to call him that.
And the nice guy agreed!
We were supposed to go to school/work together
on Monday.
But Mr Policeman had to be late so Wifey and I left 1st.
Bumped into Hafyz as well.
After PR (which was survivable), Hyde, Wifey and I
had lunch at Queenstown Mc where we bumped
into Amat and his friends.
And I think he thought Hyde was my bf or something
-.-
Cause this morning he asked "your bf tak marah you contact me?"
As I recall so clearly, I told him I was a free bird.
I wouldn't have given my number if I wasn't.
Sheesh.
And Wifey is befriending a cute guy!
*wriggles eyebrows*

8 more days Wifey!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAKZ!!!

Let's hope I'm not working on that day.
:D

Ok gotta start on my EM.
Last paper for the term before we start on a new term
next week!
Whooohooooo!!!!!

spinning my head right round

2009-11-09T16:08:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAKZ!!!!!!

Well, at least he was man enough to admit it.
:P

That's why I don't dig older guys.
THIS is what happens.
And Hyde might just be a year older.
But he's waaaay too mature.
:P

*rolls on floor laughing*

2009-11-08T22:10:00.001+08:00

I'm HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apart from looking a shade darker,
I also look like a lobster.
And I have aches in the weirdest places
no thanks to the strenuous games we played.
But because I have PR paper at 9 in the morning,
I can't update you people of my weekend getaway now.
One word; AWESOME!

Now, to catch up on the studying I've missed for
the past 2 days.
Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!
Ok bye.

still crushing on Abang Izan HAHAHAKZ!

2009-11-06T17:55:00.003+08:00

Took a step forward and not looking back at all.
:)

Many would think Hi 5 is a show for kids.
But having the time to watch em till Sec 2, I noticed that
their lyrics actually hold more meaning than some adult songs.
Because some of us are so myopic, we just brush em aside
as a program for kids.

You know, the old me would have cried after
yesterday's shit.
But the new me just can't seem to shed a tear now.
Maybe I'm too numb?
I never thought it to be possible...
But I suppose it is??
Or maybe, I've mentally told myself to not cry anymore...

You just do.

Tell me now
What do you see?
Can you see the joy and pain you're causing me
Rays of hope and clouds of despair in the sky
I crash and burn, I soar and fly
I live and learn, I forget and die.

I laugh and cry
In sunshine and in pain
Through the good and the bad
Only love for you remains
Your word is like a shield and sword
Giving me strength with a smile, killing me with a bitter word.

You're my poison, my healing herb
You say the worst and sweetest things I ever heard
I want to hurt you, I want to hold you,
I want to leave you, I want to need you,
I want to break from you, I want to be chained to you
I want to have all and nothing to do with you.

And you ain't by my side
I watch the day turn to night
A shame takes over pride
Darkness takes over light
I wonder why I love you, what makes it so true?
And you say to me, "you just do"...

-Shannen Adlin

This is where it hits homebase people.
:)

ps: you know me better than this Mi Luna

I'm sorry...

2009-11-06T00:02:00.002+08:00

It just occurred to me that I might not have
enough time to study for PR after all.
But heck, I'll have a weekend of fun.
:)

My voice is raspy and nasal.
I can hardly sing.

I exchanged number with an oooollllddd friend today.
And we're going to work/school together on Monday.
:)
(If I make it that is)

After much thinking, I figured that
maybe you're the one who Googled Atika Fad Todoshi
about a month back.
Semangat pe?

i want my voice back

2009-11-04T22:34:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, when my thoughts stray,
I'll look back to what we used to be.
And then I'll wonder how 2 people who used
to be so in love with each other could now hate
each other so much they don't give a shit about
the other party's feelings.

I've always been irrational when I'm angry.
But I'm sure it was never intentional.
I just don't get why people would deliberately hurt
each other.
Is being in love a way to find a person's weak spot
and use it against them when the love fades?
Is that even love in the first place?
*shakes head*

Sometimes I wonder if the hole in my life
could ever be filled again.
It's like a false wall.
Secure, but it's durability is questionable.
I'm not saying that my current happiness is a facade,
I'm just saying that sometimes, trying to replace something,
might not work at all.
So, I've decided to leave the hole as such..

If the hole Ajin left could be filled by Fad,
I'm sure someday someone could fill the hole left by Fad.
And like I told my friends.
I'm not rushing into a new relationship.
I need to get the old one out of my system first.
And knowing me, that might take a while.

Journalism paper tomorrow.
I can't really tell if I'm prepared.
I'm freaking out honestly.
The thought of having to sit in a fixed place
under the air conditioner for 3 hours with an intense atmosphere...
*shudders*

I really think exams are overrated.

2009-11-02T20:27:00.002+08:00

To be at the edge and looking out to the world...
It would be a nice place to be at this point in time..

Knowing I'm still alive after a month.
And better still, standing on my own 2 feet.
With my awesome friends to back me up in times of need.
And my family, the pillars I can never live without.
I thank God for this phase I'm going through.
It's given me a clearer picha of what's been going wrong for
the past 2 years I was blinded by love.
It's just amazing how I could leave a splinter in my heart for so long.
And each time I blamed myself for the loopholes in the relationship.
Only to realize that to let go was the only way my heart could be whole.

So how I survived?
Easy.

1stly, to let go means to let go entirely.
I've deleted his number, pichas, e-mail and deleted him from FB.
In other words, I cut him out entirely.

2ndly, I surround myself with people who love me.
With people who appreciates me the way I am.
I don't need just one person to know that I'm loved,
I know I am just by looking at those who'd go miles for me.
:)

3rdly, MINGLE!!!!
Like my mum said, there are so many better guys out there.
Not like I'm looking.
But I believe everyone deserves someone.
And I know, God will give me someone worthy of my love.

4th, BE OPTIMISTIC!!
Never ever go into the miserable zone.
IT DOES NOT HELP AT ALL!!!

I hope this helps those who're going through a breakup.
Even if it's just 4 points.
HAHA.
I'm not qualified to write a book on breaking up.
But I do know that there is one.
*grins*
Found it in Brainwaves, the school's bookshop.

I kinda miss school.
I'm so sick right now.
Pfft.

I'll be going on a study break.
No blogging till exams are over.
:)
Same goes for FB and MSN.
I figured if I don't start now, I'll never start at all.
So to all those taking their exams, GOOD LUCK!!!

Till we meet again.

2009-11-01T19:32:00.001+08:00

The most difficult question of the day.
Don't ask who I voted for.

Wifey, I got story to tell!!
But then maybe by then it'll be in FB ready.
Siti standby to be utterly grossed out.

I'm so darn late for AKYM meeting.
And I feel feverish.
Tsk.
Talk about bad timing.

kiss and tell.

2009-10-31T21:24:00.002+08:00

Yunus went fishing last night.
Half way, he made me call.
So somewhere during our conversation,
he went "kau tak penah tengok dia macam faggot ke?"
HAHAHAHA!!!
It was so random.
But yeah, I did.

And I shan't say who he meant.
*winks*

I'm stuck at home today.
Mainly because I'm broke and I hafta study.
Not like I've actually touched my notes the whole
day today.
I've been watching Sex and the City.
Yes, AGAIN!
Finally found a website which doesn't have a broken links
to the episodes.
But it's quite laggy though.
Oh well, for Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm willing to be patient.
:)

Tomorrow's November.
Time for new part time bfs!
*chuckles*

life's a joy ride.

2009-10-30T22:37:00.003+08:00

I miss this.
The dance we did for this song.
4 years back?
Fast, catchy, complex.
I miss dancing.
Really do...

I can't paste the Girlfight video here.
But go Youtube it for old time's sake.
Hahakz.

Guess what, the system at HQ had some problems.
So I won't be getting my pay till next month.
Like how AWESOME can it get?!
I'm so pissed off!
!$#%#%

It's November soon.
:)
I can't wait for the 7th and 8th.
(despite exams the following day)
But I can't wait for the Malaysia relatives' chalet!
They promised it to be fun.
And it better be!
I'm sacrificing study time for it.
Haha.

I have to start looking for a job already.
A colleague suggested relief teaching.
But nah...
Don't wanna take the risk..
I hafta confirm the application date and whatever.
Ooo shan't say yet.
Don't wanna jinx it.

My right eye keep twitching.
Why??

you're so full of malarkey

2009-10-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

Picha credits to Lisa.
:)

Met her after so many months of not meeting
and not contacting.
With the many dramas in between both our lives.
And the shit that happened between us, that is now
resolved I think?
Despite having to wait for SO long,
I can't deny that I miss her.
:)
And I had such an awesome time.
Even if it's just a few hours.

And guess what?
I lost my way while going to Marina Barrage
and going back from Marina Barrage.
Awesome huh?
This is one reason why I never liked travelling alone.
I'm a "road idiot" in Wifey's terms.
Haha.

Believe it or not, I've been studying this week.
Shocking huh?
I'm impressed myself.
Minimal, but still, it's studying.
Study and Atika can never get along.
But I suppose this time I choose to comply?
Maybe cause I've got plans for after the Advanced Diploma.
I shan't say yet.
I'm just afraid it won't happen and then I'll be disappointed.
But I'm praying to God...

Me: Do I look happier after the breakup?
Lisa: Yes, but is it a facade?
Me: Honestly, no. I can't stop smiling.

And I think this goes out to my wonderful family
and friends.
ESPECIALLY Wit the Bangkai BFF whose been entertaining my crap.
Like I told him, he amuses me.
Cause he's SO determined to be boring,
and I'm SO determined to make him un-bored.

I like to entertain people.
That's the reason why I love acting.
I remember Masturah telling me that I can be
a standup comedienne.
But I don't think so.
I'll just be lame instead of funny.
HAHA.

Ok I'm chatting with Yunus.
And ummm Hakeem..
I wish I can cut off all ties but it won't be fair to the kids right?
Anyways, it's not like I'm bothered..
:)

God bless em people

2009-10-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

Today was freaky.
Firstly, Stephanie came to school without her voice.
I tried to imagine myself losing my voice and got
freaked out.
I'm so chatty I can't even keep quiet when I'm studying.
Tsk.

Secondly, the windows in the K1's room has a hole
cause some crazy asshole threw a padlock through it.
LUCKILY, no one was playing the computers.
Else there'd definitely be injuries.
I was so shocked.
It sounded like an explosion.
2 of the monkeys were crying, 1 wanted to go home.
I hugged and pacified em (my way) and apparently it worked.
They continued their class in the office's music room.
The police had to come.
One was freaking hot.
Serious.
HAHA.

Wit is WEIRNY.
Funny + Weird.
He's starting this bangkai trend.
Tsk.
So FREAKITATING.
Freaking Irritating.
I gave Ica these terms while walking home
from Limbang Mc.
(went there to study)

I'm meeting Lisa tomorrow!!
So freakcited!!!

ok la bye.

2009-10-26T21:10:00.003+08:00

The K2s had an excursion today.
Out of 15, only 2 didn't go.
Patrick was one of em.
He was supposed to stay home cause naturally
if most of your classmates won't be around,
there won't be any lessons.
But the teacher made a mistake by asking him to come to
school.
The other boy was smart enough to give school a miss.

Thus Patrick had to follow me to the K1s.
He didn't understand at first, wanted to follow his classmates
and almost cried even.
I suck at pacifying children so somehow Pauline managed
to make him agree to stay.
But the thing was he became clingy.
He held my hands even when we were walking around the class.
I made him play Legos.
And I went to the toilet, he followed, saying
"Teacher, toilet!"
And he went to pee.
Well, being a foreigner, you really can't expect him
to master English that quickly.
So, when I left the teacher's cubicle, I was surprised
to see him waiting outside.
I felt sorry for him, but it was really cute.
And he was giving me that toothy smile.

The sucky part was when I had lessons with the K1s.
Cause their teacher wasn't in.
Patrick was asked to play on his own.
Something I found disturbing.
Even if it's Patrick, you can't possibly put him in a foreign
environment and make him play on his own.
He was distracted.
Kept looking in my direction.
Stands up everytime I make a sudden move, like he's
afraid I'll suddenly leave the class.

Michelle made him do some drawing after that.
And he was smiling to himself as he did so.
Patrick's a special boy.
He's very smiley.
And I have the softest spot for him.

Just like Nicole.
I don't know.
My heart goes out to those whose friends isolated them.
Like Patrick, Nicole, Harith, Nurin.
These children are either disturbed or special..
And I really can't see people alone.
I remembered Saf eating alone in MI's canteen once.
I was on my way to class.
Instead of continuing, I sat with her.
Which after she told me wasn't necessary and that I just
made her feel lousier about sitting alone.
HAHA.
But I HAD to.

I also remember telling Wit about this during our
1st verbal conversation.
And he said "means you're a very dependent person"
I didn't see the logic initially.
But he might just have a point.
And I think I'm figuring it out...slowly..

But I like being alone.
Especially late at night, when the stars shine
like diamonds in the sky...
I like lying in bed after the lights are turned off,
staring into the darkness waiting for sleep to come.
I like listening to silence.
Cause it's within that few moments that I get my peace..

and I think I just indirectly made myself seem weird.
Haha.

ANYWAYS, watched these over the weekends.

Been wanting to watch this ever since it came out.
But now that I've watched it, I'm kinda glad I didn't
drag anyone to the cinemas with me to watch this one.
It's downright grotesque even from my TV screen.
I just can't imagine it from a bigger screen.
And the ending was like... potong steam?
Not very nice you know...

Because Zureen will be performing this in school,
she got my dad to download it.
I was thrilled of course.
This movie started off my star craze/obsession whatever you'd
like to call it.
It's very fantasy-ish.
But who cares?
:)

I have diarrhea.
CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE IT?!

Oh, thanks Wit for reminding me to take my charcoal tabs.
(though he said no one wants to layan my karenah, but he ironically did.
BFF katakan. KAN KAN KAN?)
Forgetful me forgot about it just after remembering it.
Awesome huh?
Haha!

it shines brighter than before

2009-10-25T23:05:00.001+08:00

I hope he's doing fine..
I would wanna visit him if time permits.
Even though he pisses me off so much during secondary
school days, he was still a good person to befriend with.
And people change right?
:)

I'm so staying away from bikes...

2009-10-24T21:35:00.001+08:00

Boredom really has a weird effect on people.
*shakes head*

Esai is a stupid word.
Right Wifey?
HAHAKZ

2009-10-23T19:24:00.002+08:00

Vance: Teacher Atika
Me: Yes?
*Vance scrambles from his mattress to the teacher's table*
Vance: Teacher Atika, got ear wax inside my ear.
Me: Than?? You want me to clean it for you?
Vance: *sheepish smile* No later I go home I clean.

He actually got up from his "nap" just to tell me that.
I wouldn't actually clean it for him FYI.
I'll be grossed out.

Pauline told me the K2s asked when I'm gonna enter class
yesterday when I was with the K1s the whole day.
Funny how I do nothing to suck up to the K2s
and yet they appreciate my presence more than the K1s
whom I frequently sugar up with gummies and sweets.

This could be one reason why I think teaching in a Primary
school will be more befitting for me.
Tsk.

Dear MOE, please approve my contract teaching application
next year.
I'll be a fab teacher I promise.
Fuck the Mass Comm Dip.
I belong in a school.
With children cause I relate better with them.

Adults just freak the hell out of me.
The irony huh?
Since I'm considered an adult age wise.
But I always think that my maturity level and my age
are never on par.

Anyways, the "upstairs people" missed me out during payroll.
I am as dry as dead leaves.
Like how can you do that to your staff?
Even if I'm just a contract part timer, I'm still called a staff.
Right?
It's inhumane.
I'm considering going on a strike and not
come to work on Monday.
I know it's downright childish.
But what do I care?

I dreamt Patrick got kidnapped and I went to save him.
Risked my life even.
I find it amazing how I easily form emotional attachment
to people and become very clingy.
Patrick hasn't been in school the whole week.
That explains the dream.
:(

Oh Feeqa's my new Wifey.
*beams*
I'll find a new one next month.

2009-10-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

Hello you.
How are you doing today?
I hope you're doing good wherever you are..
It's been awhile since we last met, contacted even.
I must say I haven't been doing well without you.
Though most of the time I think I'm doing ok.
With the many awesome friends and the family you've left behind.

But sometimes, like tonight, when I suddenly think of you,
I'll just break down and cry.
Cause it'll hit me the hardest to know that you're
no longer around.
I've been trying hard to stick to my head.
Keep myself away from the pain.
Ignore the emptiness, the hole you left behind.

But I'll just get upset each time I think about how you
left and wondered each time when we'll ever meet again.
Or if we'll even recognize each other.
I fear we don't..
But I know I shouldn't think too much..
Cause I have reality to face, people to meet.

Just so you know, that you're never forgotten.
Despite the years...
I'm still not able to look at your picha and not shed a tear.
But I know I'll be strong someday...
I hope...

Life's been rough..
And I keep wondering how things would be like if you're
still around..
Seems like everyone's leaving me one by one..
But I can't do anything about it cause it's His will.
And one day I'll go too..
Cause it's Destiny..

You'll always be my favourite though
:)

2009-10-21T23:20:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching this.
It ain't as wonderful as the first few.
Despite the awesomely good looking guy.
And the very hot female lead.
I'm such a sucker for good looking people.
I'll just melt.
And it don't matter your gender.
Not to say I'm bi, I just appreciate God's creation.

'

This one started off the Bring it On craze.

This one, by far the best, just keeps me wanting for more.

This one's ok I suppose.
What with 2 major stars; Solange and that cheerleader girl.
Oh and Rihanna too.
:)

But the last one disappoints me the most.
Based on it's title one would expect a magnificent comeback.
But no.... it had to go sliding into the boring zone.

I have an 8-3 session till Friday.
And I'm not complaining one bit.
Cause I get extra time with the K1s.
(although I haven't been seeing Patrick this whole week)
and they just love it when it's my "lesson"
Cause I play some random on the spot made up games
with them.
And trust me, I'm always the one who'd end up panting and
losing my voice.

I have to sing and shout and move around.
I think teaching is a good exercise.
Hahakz.

Guess I'll go now.
And dream of me being macho.
Cause I told Wit I'm macho-er and he said
"in your dreams lor"
But the idea itself is absurd don't you think?
How can I ever possibly be macho?
I can't even stand physical pain.
Hehe.

Ok I should shut up and go to sleep...

ps: Thank you Ajit for the humongous favour

when sparks fly

2009-10-20T07:20:00.002+08:00

Pada hari ini, Feeqa and I akan serang Orchard.
Kita akan shopping macam orang gila.
Because kita got nothing better to do.
Whoever yang nak join sila picit-picit
butang-butang di handphone you all sebelum
pukul 1.30 afternoon.
Saya sungguh excited!

I am very lambat for kerja but I kena makan
dahulu because saya very lapar.
Saya rasa kalau cikgu saya baca blog ini, saya feel dia akan
faint serta merta.
Ha-Ha.

2009-10-19T14:08:00.002+08:00

I wish I could give school a miss.
My tummy's killing me.
I have chores yet to be done.
But all I've been doing is lie in bed.

Problems aside, I have 2 biggie wishes to make.

Firstly, Happy major belated burpday to

*LISA*

I know this year has been rough on us.
But let's out all those shits behind us now.
We're constantly surrounded by people we love.
And those who once loved us were there for a reason.
I hope turning 20 gives you a new lease of life.
And hopefully you'll achieve all you ever wanted.
Happy belated burpday hunz.
Thank you for randomly talking to me in the library
4 years ago though it was just to tell me you hated
my ex school.
Hahakz.
See how far we've come and how strong we've grown.
I love you!

Secondly, Happy 21st Burpday to:

All your pichas are with Bear!
Hahakz
Anyways, you don't know how terribly the Sisterhood misses you.
Hope to meet you soon babe.
I know things are hard for you right now with the wedding
coming up and the exams too.
But I wish you all the joy and happiness.
Like I told Siti once I can't picha you without Bear
thus here you are bride to be in months to come.
:)
God is great.
Despite being ill today, I hope you're surrounded by your
loved ones on you special day.

with love and kisses,
Atika

2009-10-18T18:47:00.002+08:00

I have talents and capabilities.
But my flaws will always be a more desirable topic.

Why do I always have to be belittled?

I cannot be anyone.
As how no one can be me.
I'm tired of having to prove myself.
In school and even with the ones I love.

I give and they ask for more.
Do I not deserve a break?

They say love is accepting someone for who they are.
Then I say no one loves me.
Cause everyone wants to change me.

Only God can judge me now,
for I am HIS creation.
Not yours, not theirs.
Not anyone.

-Atika

2009-10-18T15:59:00.002+08:00

I'm having cramps right now.
My plan for the day has been ruined.
But oh well.

Anyways, Feeqa and I did not go to Brinda's Burpday Party
yesterday cause I decided to follow my family to JB.
Ica made me follow by listing down the fun things
they were gonna do.
I did not want to miss it although I felt guilty for not
turning up at Brinda's and for making Feeqa change her plans.
But whatever fun stuffs Ica mentioned didn't actually turn out perfect
as I envisaged.
As Zureen said, yesterday was a "Suay day"

Firstly, the weather was scorching hot.
It wouldn't have mattered if the traffic at Woodlands
was clear but there just had to be a congestion.
I was already restless in the car despite the very interesting
book I brought along.
Maybe cause I can never sit still and my butt was already
begging to be let off the seats.
Secondly, by the time we reached JB, our make ups have dissolved
with our sweat so we didn't look as colourful.

Thirdly, after praying, we went to have lunch.
We walked from Vivo to Nando's and to Manhattan Fish Market.
But since majority wanted to eat at MFH, we went there instead.
Sadly, the gas pipes there just burst and if we want,
we'll have to wait for an hour AT LEAST.
But because we were starving, we went to Nando's.
I don't really like MFH so you can only imagine my joy.
WHICH evaporated soon after we were
seated at Nando's and staring at the menu.
There was just chicken.
Chicken this and chicken that.
And only 3 dishes of beef.
And that's it.
So we ordered whatever and anything.
Which tasted bleargh and yucky.
The sauce was *speechless*
DO NOT GO THERE!!!!
Anyways, here're the food!

After a gruesome lunch, the parents went off to Jusco while
the sisters and I walked around the mall.
We were looking for bags, wallets and (can't remember what Ica was looking for)
So anyways, we couldn't get what we wanted cause they were
either over budget or plain ugly.
The 3 of us went to Starbucks instead where I bought
juice and eclaire for myself and a mooncake for us.
The sisters bought the thriple C drink and a cheesecake each.

The Mooncake only LOOKED delicous.
The cheesecakes were too spongy according to Zureen.
I'm just lucky my eclaire and juice was alright.
Hahakz.

After no shopping, we went to watch a movie.
Met the parents outside.
Then my nose started having a fit and there wasn't any tissue around.
Bought munchies which I didn't touch at all.
When we were all excited about the movie, we found out
that our seats were 2nd from the front.
And that suddenly there were more seats than shown in the screen.
-.-

Despite the aching neck, the movie was awesome.
Illogical in a sense, but awesome.

I didn't understand how the surrogates were actually improving lives.
But I kinda dig the idea of going to war with one.
Oh well, go watch it if you haven't.
3 stars!

After movie, we planned to buy bread from Bread Talk and munch
em on the way home.
But we found out that all the bread were sold out.
Zureen and I wanted to buy eyeliner after that.
We went around looking for the perfect one.
But found none.
Lazy, we all decided to settle for coffee at Starbucks.
Yes, again.

Bought drinks and 5 dishes of food.
Of which we couldn't finish.
The taste was alright though.
And to top off the Suay Day, there was traffic congestion on the
way home.
:)

Wonderful, just wonderful.
Hahakz.
But it wasn't so bad.
We still enjoyed driving home cause Ica started off the word game
and we were all laughing so hard it got tiring after awhile.
The rest of the journey home saw me in a deep slumber.
*sheepish grin*

I have AKYM meeting today but I've no idea if I
can make it at all cause of the pain.
I'm responsible for the chalet booking and catering.
But because Wit is in Tioman (lucky guy), I suppose I have
to wait till Monday to ask him about the food.

I think I'll take a nap.
Hopefully the pain will go away.
And hopefully by the time I wake up, I won't
be so lazy to eat.
Hehe.
I think laziness is the main factor I lost weight.
Kuang kuang kuang.

it's ok, it'll always be

2009-10-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

Satu satu tak betol.
HAHAHAHAKZ.

I lost my glasses.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!!!
And I lost it AT HOME!
Hahakz.

ps: I really don't like guys who try too hard.
pps: I really shouldn't have given my number.

2009-10-16T17:10:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, Vance came and hugged me.

Buried is face in my stomach.

Just cause I said I won't be teaching the class.

A weird move for a boy who knows me for less than a month.

I'm surrounded by children from Mondays to Fridays.

And they sort of become a break up therapy for me.

I laugh and shake at their antics, but they no doubt make me

happy everyday.

The year is ending soon, and so is my contract.

A part of me wants to continue, but I know better

than to stick to a job which pays me peanuts.

I'm so torn right now..

ANYWAYS, Farna invited me to her K2 Graduation Concert.

It was ubber cute I must say.

At times boring of course, especially during the speeches.

Pichas are available in FB.

I'm too darn lazy to post em up.

Also cause the pichas of me are hideous.

Hahakz.

Oh well.

Harith's mum gave me Raya money.

And it's not a single digit note.

Like... ummm... embarassing much?

I don't know but she's so very nice to me...

Gave me lollipops yesterday, invited me to her house..

And yet I act like how I normally do with adults.

Distant and reserved.

(Also explains why I don't really dig older guys)

I think I'm spoilt.

People spoil me.

But I don't know why.

Pauline gave me sweets asked me to eat breaky

every morning.

Aunty Helen makes Milo for me on occasions but I'm

a teacher, not a child.

I do not pay for the food they have.

But yet, I am being fed.

I love Patrick.

And he loves me too.

I think.

Hahakz.

I shouldn't have told him I'm single.

-.-

And it didn't help that he's single too.

I really don't like this kinda thing.

Ugh.

Why can't Mr Hair be a little older?

I swear I'll go extra gaga over him.

Haiz..

Hair Hair..

Your hair's just so awesome.

I am super hungry.

But I'm just too darn lazy to eat.

People tell me I've lost weight.

Who knew 5 kg would show?

Hahakz.

my endless babbling

2009-10-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

A few things to be happy about.

Firstly, I've been made Vice Chairperson of

the AKYM Retreat.

Secondly, Wit has promoted me to BFFEA.

Which according to him means Best Friends Forever And Ever.

-.-

Thirdly, my newfound friendship with Wit has gotten AKYMians

a caterer for the AKYM Retreat.

Both parties will benefit.

Lastly, I do not miss Fad in anyway at all.

I don't know why, I've been over the moon today.

Hehe.

I thank God for this newfound happiness.

Hopefully it's not another facade eh?

Cause I honestly can't tell.

Been sleeping late and waking up early.

Meeting Qeela and Farnaa tomorrow.

Yay!!

Ok nothing else to say.

Toodles.

succumbing to normalcy

2009-10-13T21:43:00.002+08:00

Me: Who's coming for meeting tomorrow night?

Zaim: *gives a list of names* oh Zulfadhli pun datang

Me: Huh! Then I'm not coming ah.

Zaim: Asal pulak ni?

Me: We broke up?

Zaim: Huh?! Da break? Kenapa? Korang da sebati seh...

Ouch...
Truly, ouch.

I have people telling me we looked good together.
Maybe couples who look together just won't last...

And I still talk of Fad like he's still around..
The stories we had are endless.
Both good and ugly.
And he still had the cheek to say that he wasn't important to me..
Reality check please.

To be honest, it's like peeling off a skin this
breaking up thing.
You don't want to do it, but you have to so that
a better, nicer skin can grow.
But while you wait for it to grow, you hafta constantly
look at the scar the peeling left behind.
And occasionally, it will hurt even though at times you
hardly feel a thing..

My false bravado will always be temporary.
The emotional pain has been so strong in trying to penetrate
through my walls...

As tired as I am of this,
I just can't let go...

2009-10-13T07:18:00.002+08:00

My morning complain.

MY LENSES JUST REFUSE TO STAY ON MY PUPILS!!!
It's raining!!!!!
I hate rainy mornings.
There's hardly any shelter to the MRT station both
in Yew Tee and Sembawang and I truly detest
carrying an umbrella around.
*grumbles*
Not like I'm gonna do it anyways.
I'd rather get wet than carry an umbrella.
Weird I know, but that's me.
Oh and lastly, my back hurts like !@#%$

This blogskin is partially completed.
I have things to add on.
Hehe.

I wanna go to ION and really explore the whole area!!!
The awesomest thing about ION is that it's BLUE!!
*grins*

2009-10-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

I have loads of stories to share.
Thus this will be quite a long entry.

Firstly, I've decided to change my URL as a symbol
for moving on.
Cause if I were to stick with the old one, it'll
just make me feel heavy emotionally, knowing that
Fad has access to the previous blog.
I wanna erase any remnants of him.
Like I told him, I'm not to acknowledge his existence.
Though I personally think he didn't quite like the idea.
It was a friendship wasted.
But these are measures I have to ensure that I keep
to my own words.
I don't want to turn back and lament on what was.
I wanna focus on what will be.

De un Estrella means Of a star in Spanish.
Which suddenly sounded very vague to me.
Question like "what star?" popped in my head.
And because I have an obsession for stars, I chose to keep
the Estrella.
The current URL means The Star Shines.
In hopes of gaining a brighter future I suppose.

Anyways, here's a gist of what happened on Saturday.

Was supposed to meet Siti and Feeqa at Marsiling MRT by 9 am.
But because I had to WAIT for my sister, whom eventually did
not leave with me, I ended up reaching at 9.30 am.
Red lined all the way to City Hall where we almost got lost
looking for Ritz Carlton.
Made a pit stop to the toilet, which looks to grande to be a toilet.
Ok maybe I should say ladies instead.
Snapped a few pichas.
Thereafter we made our way to the registration area.
Bumped into a few people.
Hugged here and there, waved everywhere.
Hahakz.

Had some boring briefing.
Went for lunch at KFC.
Went back to receive our "scrolls".
Everyone had to go up on stage one by one.
I think that process alone took 2 hours.
-.-

Listened to a choir sing bla bla bla.
Then the best part, TEA!!
The buffet spread was *speechless*
Desserts were fantabulous!
Like really I ate like a pig.
Hehe.

*Sisterhood missing Aishah*

*Test Shot 1*

*Showing some Love.. :P*

*Afiq lost his hair*

After the whole thing was over, Siti went off to
her cousin's wedding while Feeqa and I headed to Woodlands
for Feeqa'a friend's engagement.
As you can clearly see, I did not go for the Raya outing
nor Hui Jin's party.
Kuang kuang kuang
Went home after that, feeling so damn shagged.

Wit has been entertaining me for the past few days.
He's my new BFF.
In case you're wondering, here's how the BFF term
came about.

And this made me realize that when you lose someone,
you'll gain someone.
God will never be unfair.
He merely wants you to be a stronger person.
If Fad had still been around, I wouldn't have known
Wit the way I do now.

Thank God for breakups.
:)

life's a mumble jumble

2009-10-11T00:15:00.002+08:00

It was a boring but delicious event.
Will blog about it when the sun's up.
:)

2009-10-09T21:32:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if people could see
that my pretencious happiness is fading...
Cause it really is...
:(

It saddens me to know that people think I'm strong.
It was a lie...
And I think I've let people down..

2009-10-08T21:57:00.003+08:00

My nights used to be filled with long conversations
and updates of days events.
It became a ritual after awhile.
To the extent that I can't sleep unless we have our
daily night talks, even if its just for a minute.

Yunus took over the role for awhile.
But I know I shouldn't take advantage.
He's attached and I respect his relationship.
Wit helped last night.
And it was a fruitful conversation but I know I can't
rely on him all the time.
I suppose this is about adapting.

It'll be a week now.
Can't say that I'm perfectly fine,
but I'm happy.
When Fad texted today, it felt like texting a stranger.
But we had a short tiff.
I suppose it'll never end unless I learn to let it go completely.
The anger, the dissatisfaction.
I can never hate, merely detest.
I don't even know how hate feels like.
And I don't think 2 years and 10 months (almost)
worth of memories should be dumped just like that.
If there's one thing I've learnt from all this, it's
that I'm capable of feeling what I choose to feel.

Funny how love can fade.
Funny how dreams can come crumbling down.
Funny how the mind works.

If you're still dropping by here, just wanted you to know
I meant what I said.
Every single one of it.
The good, the bad and the ugly.

Funny how people regret bringing us together.
Cause I don't regret it at all.
You've taught me things, made me realize that I cannot
settle for less.
You've made me a stronger person, just by giving up.
Thank you.

IM HUNGRY!!!!!!
Been eating fast food this whole week.
And last week too!
Funny thing is, I lost 5 kg.
*rolls on floor laughing*

I can't wait for November.
*grins*

the silver lining

2009-10-08T10:57:00.002+08:00

Thank you Wit.
For the 11.30-2 session.
Hopefully your hp bill don't shoot up.
Hehe.

Happy 21st Burpday Crazy!!
SO DAMN OLD MAN!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHKZ.
Anyways treat the children right ok.
Make sure you teach the right things.
:P

Hope you enjoyed today.
I heard it'll be a blast!!

2009-10-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

*Grumpy fat cat*

Hehe.
I held it while tutoring Viki.
I think it's a SHE.
Carried her like a baby and she fell asleep.
I was actually afraid she'd pee while sleeping.
Hahakz.

Just to prove my point.
And also to help you girls out there.
(Trust me, I was innocent all along)

5 Signs of a Cheating Boyfriend.

1) He stops hanging out with you.
-Don't need to elaborate on this right?

2) He has changed his appearance.
-Chances are if your boyfriend has undergone a
sudden appearance change, there is someone who
he is trying to impress.
Unfortunately, you may not be that someone.

3) A rude attitude
-Since many cheaters feel guilty about their actions,
they often try to lessen that guilt.
One of the many ways that a boyfriend does
this is by being rude to you.
He may accuse you of cheating on him or he may
regularly find even the smallest reasons for picking an argument.
This is because some cheaters justify their behavior
by claiming that their girlfriends deserved to be cheated on.

4) You can't get in touch with him
-Many boyfriends and girlfriends communicate through
cell phone calls, text messages, and emails.
If this is how you and your boyfriend communicated in the past,
have you suddenly noticed a change?
If you find it harder to get hold of your boyfriend,
he might be cheating on you.

5) You are hearing rumours.
-This ain't actually applicable to those whose boyfriends are
not from the same school

*grins*
It's wonderful to know that I wasn't wrong.
That I was right all along.
And the fact that someone actually saw.
What a reason to give for a breakup.
No dick to admit.
Boys.
Hahakz.

Anyways, I've proved my point.
It was a good thing that I never trusted.
It was within reason after all
:)

Dum di dum di dum di dum.
Hot cross buns
Hot cross buns.
One a penny two a penny
Hot cross buns.
(This is all the K1s fault)

You know, for a moment my name became Antika
amongst the K1s.
Then when I corrected them, it became Aaaaatika.
They literally dragged the Aaaaaa.
Hahakz.
So resigned I told them "Just call me teacher Ika ok?"
*shakes head*
Children.
I'll make sure mine are smart.
And as vocal as me.
Hahahahakz.

I think I'm in love with Patrick.
He always shouts "BYE *inserts sound* Tika!"
Like really you don't know what he says in between.
And he will come to me and grab my hand when it's
time to go to the playground.
*sob*
I'd be damn sad when it's time to leave...
And they're all entering Primary 1 next year..

I wanna sleeeeeeep....
Ok bye.
Those whose bfs have the above mentioned signs right,
go dump your bfs.
HAHAKZ.
Not worth it SERIOUSLY!!!!!
Cause it's NOT LOVE BABE!!!!!
HAHAKZ.

I can't handle chatting with 5 people at one go.
Tsk.
So much for multi tasking.